miracles

what is the miracle?
is it overcoming adversity?
is it accomplishing what were deemed impossible?
is it achieving talks of goals by self or others?

or .... is a miracle the absence of something?

there are many miracles.
that i am still here is a miracle.
still fighting the demons is a miracle.
still fighting the triggers and tapes is a miracle.
a miracle is that i won't give up.
a miracle is that i see, i experience and i acknowledge the very very very true support.
yes, my perception barely see's it but it does.
i do see it and it keeps happening: the support, the integrated concerns and notice.
a miracle is not only that i want to believe that i am alive, valuable and purposeful,
or can be or will be, but that i believe it.

yes, some beliefs are passing but they're also returning.
a miracle is that i recognize and i am making progress.
small but there.
i am going to stop trying to prevent God from completing the good work in me.
this new creation.  it may take 6 months or 6 years or 60 years.

the miracle is that i can do more than still

walk and

talk and

see and

run and

laugh and

play and

care and

love and

hate.

those are what i am allowed to do.

the miracle is that i don't just defy the odds:

the medical odds;
the educational odds;
the social odds
but that i am taking care of me and i'm not gonna let me falter anymore.
that is a miracle.
that i will not lay down and surrender.
the miracle is that i will control what i used to believe was uncontrollable,
confirmed by the viewing and observations of peer or the above.

the miracle is that i am not inept.
i am apt, more than enough, to either fix my flaws or tweak them.

the miracle is that i will ask for help.