a life of loss to mourn breaking new ground

mourning lasts for a morning

because attention is on

the past or the future.

disrespect is not a threat

but

a threat is disrespect.

blessed verses cursed:

i am the latter because 

i walked in the counsel of the ungodly: shannon, manny, joe, new leader kids, chad, ben, lisa, etc.  

i stood in the way of sinners: shannon, manny, joe, barb, madison, harrison, a.j., lisa, etc.  

i sat in the seat of the scornful: shannon, manny, lisa, marty, marian, etc.

and to the one who says and believes this opinion,

"you want somebody who will take care of you",

the irony or amphiboly is that i took care of "you".

not just your hang overs, but i cleaned up your vomit and broken bottles.

i replenished the losses, i fixed the damages, and i dealt with the mistreatment from your friends and your family.  all who were, by law, mine too and acted by law.

i treated them as family and friend by choice, meaning i was pleased to have them as "relative".

it is beneficial to do things that have more potential for betterment than relapse.

i have been so self medicated for too long.

sure, i've had the supplemental attention by few family and friends but zero from crippling christian society and nil from certain ecclasia in general.

so, i know, or realized to know, what is going on to me in relation to the depression:

i am standing my ground for what i believe in,

what i am convicted by.

all throughout this failure, of a "m"-word, i have received in the face of opposition: abuse, and when i move on and forward with my life toward Trinity i also receive a backlash of abuse.  when i stand my ground because of confidence i take on overwhelming amounts of abuse, yet, the Trinity has provided, in response to the abusers, great amounts of comfort or help.

soft bandages of scriptura and cooling ointments of care.

what was the abuse about?

envy.

i lived the Fruit and i multiplied it, as commanded.

and i didn't just make it look easy,

it was and it is what it is and was and will always be:

life

even though it seem not easy

still

i smagrin.