strength

just got off work. went very well. one of my best nights ever. and the Holy Spirit revealed to me a heightened addition and supplication toward renewing my mind and giving me peace. it is not fully realized but i am sure of this de ja vu and what is changing within it. the Trinity is fighting so much for me. i applaud Their vigor and candor. my strength only comes from the Lord. not from my hopes or aspirations. not from feeling forgiven by love or loved one or loved ones or me. my strength does not come from achievements, even if few, or mistakes, even if many. my strength does not come from my successes to adversities or my miss hap's to chance and luck. my strength comes from the only One who comforts me in need. and They ARE the only Onez who comfort me, entirely. i am so thankful for the love and care from such close friends. and even the new, their appreciation for who i am replaces the shit treatment the church has treated me with because of NOT for who i AM but for who they see me as. a failure. churches of the past have hardly comforted me. and only to condemn me. ever since waking up from a coma, i have worked my ass off trying to please church and religion and the god of man. censor jered censor jered censor jered. instead of comforting me when i woke from TBI and being thrown into a brand new world/dream/nightmare called PTSD, you churches and leaders and affiliates said this was my fault. so what is this peace i claim? because i never needed you church or churches or god of the churches. your god of the church is a voodoo doll. soulless. de ja vu? this time around there is "reason", founded on the trust of my heavenly experience. with the help of Doctor Paul Fitzgerald, a verified true man of the Trinity, i am seen and heard and responded in love and care and detail. this is different from the mocking and scorn i dealt with from attempting to enter society as "recovered". this is a different late night. no racing demons to the basis of sleep. my mind is pretty clear that i am loved. and i believe i will stay up a little bit longer resting on that Truth!! a special shout out to other such worthy encouragers: Anita Popp Sandy Decker Christina Scott Tom Benjamin Jeff Dwyer Brad Hill. please keep praying you all. pray that my anger subsides and softens. i am now seeking the definition of my value. praises to the Most High (you know this is plural and not singular, right)? Word.